


Asshole meets Nice Ass: the story

by orphan_account



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Anxiety, Aquaphobia, Drowning, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M/M, Magic, Shane and Calvin hate eachother then love eachother, Speech Disorders, Swearing, healthy anxious person vs not healthy anxious person, ill update the tags as i finish the story up, ive almost completed the next two chapters just need to edit them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-10-08 12:03:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10386225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Calvin is a good guy. He has healthy coping mechanisms for his mental health, a cat for when the going gets rough, and a positive attitude that keeps him smiling through everyday. He didn't deserve to get cursed, no, but here he is. This is his story.Or: monster boy hates the chicken man for now. Forever? read to find out.





	1. Shane, 0 hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shane meets calvin. both of them wish they hadn't met at all. (they are gay tho >:D)

3rd of Spring, Year One

\--

"Fuck off, will you"

Calvin looked up from his beer, his heart skipping a beat. How’d he manage to piss someone off already? Today, his third day on the farm and first time in town, somehow he was getting in a fight? He was anxious, but he put on a tough face and growled, "I'm not even bothering, you, asshole."

The offender was a man, light skinned but definitely with some filipino blood, who looked like he was in his late twenties, with black hair and blacker eyes. The way his shoulders slouched like he was carrying the weight of the world put a few more years onto Calvins guesstimate, but one thing he knew for certain was this man was NOT pleased. His lips were turned down into a deep scowl, and he snarled "You've been staring at me. You're standing, like, a meter away from me, I can see you staring"

"It's fucking cold outside, yeah? Raining or whatever- I'm warming up by th-th-th-the fire!" Calvin flinched at the way the strangers frown deepened at his stutter, and he begun to curl in on himself inwardly, wishing he had never left the house in the first place. 

"Well go warm up somewhere else. I'm not interested in talking." Calvin gaped.  
"You're th-th-the one who started th-th-th-this conversation!"  
"Because you've been drilling holes into the back of my head for the last ten minutes!"

Calvin flung his arms in the air with the finality of someone surrendering to the enemy. "For yoba’s sake- I'm blind without my glasses on! Couldn't t-tell an elephant from a mouse, sorry for gazing in your general direction lazily!"

"Oh" The stranger looked stumped, but didn’t seem even remotely likely to attempt at an apology. Now that the argument had dispersed, he was aware of the bartender staring at the two of them warily. 

The portly man approached them, leaning on the counter. "Is there something I can help you with here, fellas?"

"I was just heading home, I th-th-th-th-th…... I think." He sighed. The thought itself was disappointing, he had only added a few new names to his people list, but he didn’t feel like being here, not while he felt so shaky. It was getting harder to stop his speech tick from making him incomprehensible.

The bartender, Calvin had already forgotten his name, looked disappointed. "Alright, stay safe out there Calvin.”

"Th-th-th-thanks… er- it’s Gus, right?” Calvin crossed his fingers under the counter.  
"That’s right, son" He flashed a bushy grin that made Calvin feel warm inside, but still determined to go.

He turned to the stranger. "Here,” he mumbled, counting out 400g in his hand then stretching it out to the man who looked mighty suspicious. "Th-th-th-that ought to cover your t-tab, you’ve had more th-th-th-than a few beers. Sorry bout making you uncomfortable’ n all, I g-get it.” He shuffled his feet awkwardly. The silence was palpable. 

"Whatever." The stranger grumbled. He reached out and scooped up the money, counting it out for himself, then did the honors of passing it along to Gus. He seemed to contemplate for a moment, before glaring around back at Calvin and grunting, “Name’s Shane.”


	2. Wizard, 2 hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calvin likes magic. Magic likes Calvin a little too much.

Spring 6, year one

\--

“Huh.” Calvin wrapped his thumbs around the empty belt loops on his too-large overalls, staring down at the dirt. Where he had planted those parsnip starters on the 1rst of Spring was now a disaster. 

The little green shoots that had been sprouting through the dirt were gnarled and orange coloured, limp and dead. There were his own bootprints and tracks he recognised belonging to grass shades, as well as acid and slime coating parts of the ground making it unfit to hold life.

“Should have seen th-th-th-this one coming…” he muttered to himself as he unearthed one of the vegetables, which was completely black and reeked of decay. Little glowing red spots hinted at the perpetrator, and for a moment Calvin was glad his anti-green-thumb hadn’t been his downfall this time. 

Calvin went around his farm, collecting samples of the weeds and trees that grew there, as well as from the grass that grew only around the edges and the shrine of his grandfather. 

The wizard’s door was surprisingly unlocked, so he let himself in. The old man was gazing into some ancient tome, mumbling words as he hovered his hand an inch above the block of quartz Calvin had brought him from the mine the day before. 

“Gramps. You busy?” 

The wizard snapped the old book shut, and turned to face him with the air of someone who had been expecting a guest that had finally arrived. “No, this test was trivial. Do you have a question?”  
“I do, ser. It’s about Moongrass Farm, you see. I believe th-th-th-there is a corrupted power th-th-th-that is attracting monsters t-to my land, as well as poisoning my soil. Do you have a way to confirm or deny it?”

“I see you brought samples. They are not necessary, I already identified the cause of the negative spirits fixation with your land, and I believe it has something to do with your grandfather's Shrine. It is a great source of power, which once blessed the land to yield crops greater than any other.”

A finger to his chin, Calvin nodded, turning this over in his mind. “Can a positive influence t-truly become a negative influence as you say? Is there a way to do t-the same in reverse?”

“I am afraid so,” The wizard’s deep voice warbled gravely, “A spirit is bound to this shrine, and unless it is pleased, it can project its will over the nature of the blessing.” 

“Does it affect non-magic beings living on that land?” Calvin asked. The Wizard cocked his head, thinking for a second, before answering, “No, I don’t believe so, though I know not many non-magic creatures who would chose to make a home there, as it is so dangerous.”

Calvin hung his head in a mock bow, “Th-th-th-thank you, ser.” 

The wizard cocked his head, frowning deeply. “Are you not concerned with the future of your home?” He asked incredulously.

Calvin grinned to himself, eyes glinting with excitement. “Not really. I love magic, always have, so battling the valleys demons for a living instead of growing t-tubers seems alright. Th-th-th-there's plenty of baddies t-to go around, and I can always raise animals, I th-th-th-think I’ll be fine.”

The wizard looked surprised. “Not many are trained to fight such creatures, young one.”

“I was part of a plumbing company when I was younger, we cleared the baddies out of th-th-th-the sewers. I fought, th-th-th-they’d fix.” He shrugged, reaching a hand back to tug his longsword out of it’s restraints, and swinging over his shoulder to present to the sorcerer. He grinned at the impressed look on the old man's face, knowing that many newbies would abandon the blade for guns, which would get them killed before they could learn to regret it. Calvin found himself instinctively flicking his wrist so that where his name was inscribed on the hilt glinted in the lamplight, and he grinned a little smugly when it caught his eye, “I can handle myself, Gramps.”

“I see.” The Wizard considered Calvin carefully for a moment, before putting a hand on his shoulder. “I wish you the best of luck, Adventurer.”


	3. Jas+Vincent, 2 hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jas drowns! /0o0\ the new farmer has to save the day!

Spring 20, year one

\--

Calvin wandered through the forest happily, longsword strapped to his back and overalls rolled up to the knees. He strolled past the Wizards house- the old man was busy with some cleansing ritual or he would have payed him a visit -marching along the edge of the pond.

Calvin had a tricky relationship with water. He had what a shrink back in Zuzu had once called “aquaphobia” . He couldn’t stand open water, couldn’t even eat food that lived in it, fish, crab and seaweed alike. Baths were fine, hot tubs were lovely, and pools were places where people went to strip near naked and then proceed to have fun bringing themselves to the point of danger and trying not to drown. He would have a panic attack venturing close to the beach, and prefered admiring the many rivers and lakes of Stardew Valley from afar. 

So, if anyone was to save a child from drowning, it would not be him. He could barely swim, didn’t know how to tread water, and was more than short enough to be easily pushed under. 

But, when he heard Vincent, one of the children of the town, calling out Jas’s name and begging for her to hold on, accompanied by furious splashing and the (unfortunately) familiar sound of someone struggling to scream from lack of air, he was the only one in sight. 

It was just his fucking luck, wasn’t it?

Fortunately, Calvin had a quick mind. He ran towards a fallen tree, stripping the long sword from his back. With one fatal swing, he separated a thick, decaying branch, and then quickly dropped the weapon to lug the wood back to where Vincent was screaming. 

The kid was yelling forming words, but Calvin was too focused to understand him. He followed his pointed finger into the water where there was desperate splashing, and threw the log a small distance away from it, before jumping in himself. 

There was a second after his feet left the ground where he felt his grip on the reality of the situation, as well as on the earth, completely slip away as he plunged into an entirely different environment, what felt like a completely different set of rules.

The cool water stung his face sharply and did nothing to help him calm his nerves. He squeezed his eyes shut, begging his body to follow his orders as he felt his heart beat faster and faster, he was slipping in and out of consciousness. 

A sharp strike to the gut brought him back down to earth, and suddenly he wasn’t there anymore, he was watching himself struggle in the murky darkness, as if from a third person perspective. His heart rate dropped, and he calmed considerably, watching himself struggle from a removed mindset. This was similar how he fought, he wielded dissociation as a deadly weapon. 

It kept him sane when he was facing down demons with only a sword. It would work.

"Grab her. Wrap your arms around her arms so she can’t hit you." His body followed its orders, calmly securing Jas as she wrestled him deeper under the water. He watched himself kick his legs hard, which did little to nothing, but after a minute or so managed to push them upwards enough that he could go into a final sprint, thrashing his legs as hard as he could and carrying the two of them to the surface. Once their heads broke the water, he knew his calves were beginning to ache already, and that he needed to get her out quickly. That was where the log bobbing happily along beside him came into play. 

Hooking one arm under Jas’s armpits, he swung her so that her upper body lay entirely on the surface. He could hear her ragged breathing, and soft crying, but that meant she was conscious, which was good. He grabbed onto to the end, using his upper strength to give his tired legs a break. He felt the log slowly drifting to the edge of the pond, and watched as Vincent tugged the small end of the branch towards him.

Once they were close, He let go of the log and latched onto the bank instead, rolling onto dry land, until he lay starfished on his back. Vincent helped Jas transition from log to land, hugging her tightly as she arrived safely in his arms. The two friends collasped to the ground, both sobbing heavily.

Calvin closed his eyes, breathing deeply, focusing on the feeling of the grass tickling his biceps and the mud giving way under his lower back. His hands lay flat against comforting earth, as close to the forest floor as possible. After a few deep breaths, his mind was back in his body again, present enough in the moment to hear the children calling his name. 

“Mr. Calvin? Are you alright?”  
“I think I kicked him- I’m really sorry Mr. Calvin!”

“It’s alright kid. I’m tougher than that,” he groaned as he hoisted himself into a sitting position. For the first time, he got a good look the two. Jas had light brown skin, and curly plum coloured hair. A large green bow tied the wildest of her locks behind her head, but thick purple coils clung to her soaked face. She had high, round cheekbones, and large, doe-like eyes. If he had to guess, Calvin would say she came from Latinx roots. 

Vincent had short, pink hair and chubby cheeks, flush lips and a tiny nose. His little chin tuck out from the rest of his round face, giving him the appearance of a spade. Freckles scattered his cheeks and forehead, crawling down the back of his neck.

“Plums and Freckles,” he thought to himself, making mental note of the nicknames.

Calvin closed his eyes, taking another deep breath. He felt exhausted, mentally and physically, and the sun had still yet to go down. Suddenly, he heard shouting, someone calling from not far off. 

“Jas? Vincent? I heard shouting, is everything alright? Where are you dammit..” 

Calvin’s eyes snapped open in time to watch as Shane stumbled into the clearing, still wearing his Joja corp uniform. He saw as Shane’s eyes widened, glancing between the soaked Jas and the equally as wet Calvin, before his face started turning beet red. 

“What the fu- What’s going on here?” He shouted.  
“Jas was drowning. I got her out,” Calvin replied weakly.  
“LIKE HELL YOU DID! She knows better than to go hopping in the water, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU’R-”

“Shane! He’s telling the truth!” Jas screamed, cutting him off. Both men looked at her in shock, jaws dropped. “I fell in when Vincent and I were trying to fish crawdads out of the pond. Vincent called for help, and then Mr. Calvin jumped in and saved me!”’

“It’s true!” Vincent confirmed, nodding vigorously, “He was really brave!” 

Calvin winced at the last comment, but didn’t try to contradict the kids. Shane still looked furious, but his rage had cooled as he pointed his gaze in his god-daughter’s direction. “Are you alright?” He asked, and Calvin was shocked to hear a note of concern in his voice. Jas nodded, and he waved her over to himself, giving her an endearing but still quite awkward hug. 

“I’ll be going th-th-th-then. Stay safe Plums,” He waved at Jas, who beamed up at him, a polar opposite to Shane’s glare, “and you t-too, Freckles.” Vincent waved goodbye fervently, as he ambled back to where he had dropped his sword, strapped it to his back again, and stopped short of passing Shane. 

From his pockets, he drew a spice berry the size of a golfball, gold quality. Shane’s eyes widened, but then narrowed suspiciously. “Here,” he gestured for Shane to take the gift, “It’s your birthday, ain’t it?” 

Shane glared at Calvin, but then glanced down at Jas looking up to him with glee and anticipation painted over her face. “Oh yeah, I guess it is. Thanks, this is cool.” 

Calvin smiled tightly, waved goodbye to Vincent and Jas once more, then departed up the road that lead to the wilds of Moongrass Farm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i assumed spice berries were the size of regular berries... so one the size of a golfball! that'd be gold quality...  
> also all of the nicknames are my own nicknames for the crew. this is what i call everyone while im playing the game because thats just what i do. yall arent even ready for my list of nicknames. woot.

**Author's Note:**

> k so im gonna leave a note for cal's speech tick if yall are confused  
> he repeats "th" sounds (if they are at the beginning of the word only) when he says them, hes gotten a lot better but it gets harder to stop when he's nervous  
> he stutters on words starting with "t" as well  
> :)))))))))))))))


End file.
